The Moon, the Shadows, and the In-Between
Last night was one of those perfect summer nights. Quiet, warm but not hot, and beautiful to sit outside and enjoy.
From my front deck, the partial lunar eclipse was gorgeous. About every ten minutes, I got up, moved to a better spot, snapped a few pictures, and watched its progress. Sometimes I went back inside for a while, but I kept going back out as the moon moved deeper into the shadow and then slowly came back into full view again.
I didn’t make it all the way to the very end, but I saw enough to be in awe of what was happening above me and to capture some beautiful photos along the way.
I love the full moon and honestly, all of the moon’s phases. When I was younger, I used to drive out to a dark, quiet place in the country, lie on the ground, and just watch the moon and stars. I could stay there for the longest time looking up at the sky. This is something I miss and may have to start doing again, even if it’s from my own backyard.
There has always been something about the moon and night sky that gets me. But as I stood there in the dark watching the shadow move across the moon, I started thinking about something else.
How many of us go through our own shadowed, in-between places? Those times when we aren’t exactly sure what we’re doing, what we want, or where we’re heading.
That happens to me when old junk comes back up and doubts I thought had been worked through start showing up in my head again. That’s when those questions begin.
What am I actually doing?
What direction should I be going?
What is best for me and my future? For my family and me?
Am I doing this right?
Am I good enough to do this?
Who would even care what I have to say?
Am I too old?
Oh yes, that whole list can still go through my head, and I know I’m not the only one.
When You Can’t See Your Own Light as Well
What hit me while I watched the eclipse was that the moon hadn’t changed. The shadow just changed what we could see.
The moon did not suddenly become less of a moon because part of it was hidden from view. It was still there, even when we couldn’t see it the same way. Sometimes we forget that about ourselves.
Going through a time of uncertainty doesn’t erase everything you’ve learned. Doubting yourself doesn’t erase what you’ve survived, built, experienced, figured out, or become. Not knowing what comes next doesn’t mean you suddenly have nothing to offer, and your age or place in life does not change that either.
You may be a mom, grandma, great-grandma, single, married, divorced, starting over, changing direction, formally trained in something, or figuring out something completely new. You still have experience. Life made sure of that. You are valuable, and you can definitely still learn no matter what age you are.
That last part is really important because sometimes we convince ourselves that if we don’t already know how to do something, maybe we shouldn’t try. Have you ever done that to yourself? I certainly have.
But I have also learned an awful lot in my life by asking questions, researching, trying things, getting some of them wrong, and then trying again. Thank goodness for Google and the ability to research. Haha! We do not have to know everything before we begin.
When the Old Voices Show Up
Some of my own self-doubt has very deep roots. Years of negative words, verbal and physical abuse, and other old experiences left doubts and beliefs behind that I’m still working through when they come up.
I can know something logically and still have an old voice pop up asking whether I’m good enough or giving me all the reasons why I can’t. I know I’m not alone in that.
Sometimes I recognize it immediately. Other times, I don’t know at first whether what I’m feeling is something I truly believe now or an old experience talking.
Then it hits me.
Oh.
Dang, past, there you are again.
Recognizing where that doubt is coming from helps me move forward. It doesn’t always make it disappear. Wouldn’t it be nice if it were that easy? But I don’t believe doubt has to disappear in order for us to keep going. Maybe you, like me, have done plenty of things with doubt tagging right along while you kept going anyway.
I Don’t Have My Whole Future Figured Out
At my age, you’d think I should have my whole future figured out, but I don’t. So I continue to write, ask myself questions, talk to people I trust and ask them questions too, research what I don’t know, and dig deeper into who I am, why I’m doing what I’m doing, what I believe, and the kind of person I want to continue becoming.
The older I get, the more I realize how much life can change, yet we still put so much pressure on ourselves to figure out our whole future before making the next decision. Most people don’t have it all figured out, even when it looks like they do.
Life throws wrenches into our plans. We run over potholes and bumps in the road. Things change, people change, and we change.
Maybe instead of getting stuck trying to figure out exactly where we’ll be a year or five years from now, we can ask ourselves what we know today.
What do I want today?
What feels right?
What isn’t working?
What do I want to learn?
What is something I can start or keep doing even though I’m not completely sure where it will lead?
I definitely don’t have the answers to all of those questions, and I doubt I ever will. But I know myself much better than I did, and I trust myself more to keep asking, learning, adjusting, and finding my way.
The Shadow Isn’t the End of the Story
As I went back outside throughout the evening, the view kept changing. Little by little, the shadow moved, and more of the moon became visible again. Maybe that’s another thing worth remembering.
We don’t always notice our own light returning, especially not all at once. Sometimes it’s a decision we finally make, something we try even though we’re scared, a boundary we finally hold, a question we have the courage to ask, something new we learn, or simply accepting who we are or where we are right now.
Maybe it’s a moment when we realize an old belief doesn’t fit us anymore, or when we look back and realize we have come further than we thought.
The moon didn’t have to become something new when the shadow moved away. It had been there all along, even when Earth’s shadow changed what I could see. Perhaps there are times when we need to remember the same thing about ourselves.
You haven’t lost what you know or who you’ve become just because you’re going through a time of uncertainty or feel like you’re in the shadows. You don’t have to have everything figured out, and you certainly don’t have to reach some particular age, status, title, or level of confidence before you have something valuable to offer.
Keep asking questions, keep learning, keep doing and trying, and when doubt shows up and tags along, keep going anyway. The shadow may change what you can see for a while, but it doesn’t get to decide who you are.
Keep shining bright, my friend.
I’d love to hear what change is stirring in your heart. Email me a note, a message, or just say hi.
We’re all in this together, and I’ll be here… cheering you on with sand in my flip-flops, a cup of tea, and a whole lot of belief in you.
Love & Gratitude,
Kat B ~ barefoot beachgirl at heart
There’s more to come… more layers, more real life stories, and more encouragement.
Reach out to me at: [email protected]
Read more about my journey on my About Me Page.
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